i m bursting with glee now and yet i am feeling a tad guilty for the source of gleefulness. i need my bitching buddies!!! :D

i miss ifer a lot. i've been thinking about her lately. even sent her a message via facebook. but i m very sure she will not reply at all. it was raining heavily yesterday and my mind was brought back to the college days. how silly we were playing under the rain trying to get sick coz we didnt study for our calculus test the next day and we knew we were doomed :P so we came up with a silly idea. let's get sick. let's play under the rain! so she changed into her bikini and i wore my nightie and we sat at the carpark and talk and laughed at our silliness :D. we even walked the whole apartment area with ppl whistling at us or looking at us weirdly :D then she needed to get cigarettes and we walked to the nearby 24hr shop to buy. we knew the uncle well and on the way there, we were giggling and wondering wat's the uncle's reaction gonna be. but he was very cool about it. as if like it's normal for 2 crazy girls to be soaked wet in nighties and bikini walking into his shop at 4am in the morning getting cigarettes :D :D :D :D then there's another time where minger and ifer suddenly wish to eat American moist chocolate cake from Baker's Cottage - at 8am in the morning. We were hanging out the whole night at our balcony talking nonsense and drinking beer and singing songs (yes, we were really a nuisance then) until 7am so that we can have our favourite wantan mee :D after breakfast, they needed desserts and Baker's Cottage was opened already. And somehow, in our crazy mindset, in order to buy a cake, we needed a birthday person. So we started to think, whose bday was around the corner? and we realized Juju's bday was 2 weeks away. So we bought the cake, went home all giggly at our silliness, knocked on Juju's door and wake her and Babi up and forced Juju to blow the candles. You should see their tulan and yet cant show tulan-ness face :D after Juju blow the candles, we shoo them back to sleep so that Minger and Ifer can eat the cake :D looking back, i seriously think we have really amazing and patience housemates :D coz if anyone did that to me, i will just smash the bloody cake at their face and go back to sleep :P so yea.... i miss ifer. we really had a lot of funny childish time together. :(

i am waiting for obelix, the ex that got away, to come online :D he is the next best bitching buddy :D just called him, he is busy today. ask to me to keep it till tomorrow and we will bitch all i want :D

small cow is currently unavailable. i think she is having her down time now. so ya.....

minger lagi unavailable. she has bosses from hell!!

updates

Redbabe and I went over to Singapore to attend Jeff's wake on Wednesday. it was an impromptu thingie. we took the 5.30pm flight over to Changi and then took the 11pm flight back to LCCT. it was pretty exhausting for me coz i totally forgotten we need to walk alot in Singapore. But it's all good. at least i get to bid him farewell for the last time.

i've stopped going into Facebook for awhile. it's pretty depressing see friends leaving condolences on his wall. he is a good guy.

i was lamenting to Redbabe the other day. How come nice ppl die young and bad ppl (like that stupid serial cab rapist) havent drop dead yet?

i do not have many recent memories of Jeff as the last time i saw him was CNY 2009 and that also a brief encounter at a restaurant. before that, it was sometime end of 2008 before Jading left for Shanghai.

My memories of Jeff were mostly our secondary school days and that is also fading from me. i dont wanna sound like a hypocrite on how close we were coz that was 17yrs ago and things has changed. but i do know that he is a nice guy from the brief encounters we have had in that 17yrs after school.

he will still be missed by me. and i am still sorry for being a bitch to him. i apologized to him that nite when i was at his wake and i hope he knows i am sorry.

his passing has been a wake up call to me. i've made peace with my family and i've sent sms to ppl that i care to apologize (but no one reply me - which i am not gonna pursue coz i've done my part and it's up to them now)

as for my master plan. it's down in the drain. cannot la... i've realized i've not live enough yet. i am building a longer bucket list to fulfill.

kong kong suffered another 2 mild strokes on wednesday and got hospitalized. he has a new accessory on him now - a tube thru his nose for feeding. he is now solely on liquid diet. he has lost all the joys in his life and i seriously wonder if he wish is dead or something.

no, i m not being mean/evil/bitchy. he is a man of super ego. i m pretty sure he is very miserable now. i m just wondering if he secretly wish he is dead or something.

was making plans to drive back to visit him, but murphy's condition is not so optimistic as well. need to send him to hospital before i can decided anything.

i will be making a trip back to kluang anyway on the 1st weekend of july for the MOAR thingie. yes, i really am trying to make peace.

i m exhausted. really seriously exhausted. i just wish to sleep for a long long long long time.

brain aint working that well due to the lack of sleep. i shall end here now.

Disturbed...

i know time changes people. but i just cannot fathom how someone can change so drastically within the short span of 1 year.

then i started pondering... maybe all along she is like that.i mean we all know she is not the most logical person around, we all know that when she set her mind to something, she will do it, we all know that she is too superstitious for her own good. but i was too bias to acknowledge that without someone controlling her, she might go to the extreme - bias coz i did believe in her. these traits that i find annoying most of the times has been magnified beyond logic in just the span of 1 year. it's like her mindset has went out of control.

there's nothing we can do anything about. nothing at all. she is a close friend. but i cannot agree with her decision making, her way of thinking or her way of life. it is moralistically wrong (i m not trying to act like i m on moral high ground here. in fact, i m one of the most immoral person around.) for me to say that, it's really something.

maybe she has been sheltered way too much growing up and didnt have the chance to do what normal rebellious teenager do. that's why she is behaving this way. really, she is like an overgrown teenager now (almost entering 3rd decade of living on earth). she will overcome it. i know she will. everyone survives the teenage hood. she is just a slow boomer. so let it be. she is treading on danger ground now and as a normal teenager, when u ask them to not do it, they will rebel and do it more. so i m not even gonna try telling her anything. she will not be able to accept it anyway. as she said, she will listen, but that doesnt mean she will accept it. fine. let it be.

i m not giving excuses for her act. i m just letting go and trying my damn best to accept her decision making.

she has never been the most logical person i've known. her sense of logic is something that i struggle to understand for a long time. sometimes she is endearingly cute with the way of reasoning.

what i m trying to say here is, i m still deeply disturbed by your decision and your lifestyle but i am not gonna stop you or discourage you coz you are too stuborn to listen to advise when you choose not to listen. and since my thoughts is totally opposite of yours, you will definitely not want to hear me telling you anyway. just remember, this is your choice, if and when shit really did happened, please be prepare to bear the consequences and not blame it on fate or destiny. i can be your shoulder to cry upon if you need to but i will not be giving you any inputs. i know you will eventually read this post. and i do not mean it to be an offensive post.

for those of you who dont know what the fuck i m blabbering about, too bad. :D go read other post or go re-listen to that Talking Cock - Invasion Singapore post again :D i still find it really funny :D

i was pretty emo last nite. about what? a lot of stuffs lor, financial, family, ifer and him.

financial - i dont wanna talk about it.

family - it's always though during festive seasons. i know, i know, it's my choice and i should just live with it. i m living with it but i am also human, i also got feelings one lor. in front of everyone i told them i dont care. i am not celebrating cny. but i do feel shitty inside lor. but there's no turning back alre. the u-turn has been blocked. so i can only go straight ahead.

him - been a long time since i last heard from him. last nite we talked for awhile and all those buried feelings suddenly rushed out. why like this?

ifer - i miss ifer alot. when i was going thru the shitty period with my fam a few years back, her whole family welcomed me like their own. it was a fun trip going back to their kampung in their dad's small little car with all 5 of us cramped into it. and then it was fun taking the bus back to kl. a usual 3.5hrs drive to the kampung takes about 7hrs bus ride back. coz the bus stops every fucking where :D and we were standing for more than half the ride back :D it was fun. when we reached kl, we walked around Petaling St before 3 of us (ifer and her sis and i) head back to my rented room in subang and they stayed a nite and we had fun laughing and joking all the way. i missed that. i also missed the bond that ifer and i shared. :( seriously, most of the crazy stunts i did in my life were with her lor.... when we are craving for jeruk mangga (pickled mangos), we will drive around the nearby neighborhood and steal some raw mangoes :D or when we wanted to get a valid mc for the next day's calculus test coz we didnt study/practice, she wears her bikini and me wearing my pj and sat outside the thunderstorm hoping that we will fall sick :P and walked around ss15 like that :D or... ok... i just realized the rest of the more memorable memories with her are a tad too illegal to blog about it :D it was just illegal crazy stunts that we did not knowing how much trouble we might get into if we got caught :D

so, ya... i think i think too much. time to take out the brains and put it in the freezer again.

i wanted to cry last nite. but i was too fucking exhausted to cry. but i felt like crying... and i scroll thru the songs that i have in my hp... niama! dont have tears inducing songs also!!! so i fed up... today i transferred more tears inducing songs into my phone.... in case i need to cry again :D

of donkeys and snakes

once upon a time, there was this sneaky snake who wants to cross over a small stream without getting wet. so one day, she saw this donkey who looks dumb enough to con. so she decided to con the donkey telling the donkey that if the donkey can bring her across by her sitting on the donkey's back, the snake will give the donkey a carrot. the dumb donkey upon hearing the word, carrot, straightaway lower himself to let the snake climb over. but donkey being donkey, damn hard to get motivated one lor. once the snake nestle nicely on the donkey's back, the donkey suddenly lost motivation to move. so the snake mah tulan lor.... started to dangle the carrot in front of the donkey far enough not to let the donkey nibble and near enough to make the donkey think that he will have a chance to nibble on the carrot if he move. since his eyes are only on the carrot, along the way across the stream, he stepped on a lot of other animals and hurt many animals, some of them his good friends. coz he was just too blinded by the carrot to give a damn about the creatures around him. once the snake got to where she wanted, she slither down and threw the carrot away and laughed at the dumbass.

the dumbass started to sit by the stream and started to wail pitifully knowing that he has done wrong. but alas! he has left all his close friends across the stream nursing their bruises. and he is left all alone at the other side of the stream.

the end.

:D this is my pathetic attempt to write a moralistic story.

children, what have you learn today? :D