i cannot stand in front of a group of people talking. when i do, i will stutter and my brain goes blank. even in primary school and high school, when teacher call my name up to read a passage from the text book, i will end up stuttering and then giggle nervously hoping that the earth will open up and swallow me alive.
i am still like that.
i remember there was once in college, where i have to do a presentation for my Marketing class. i stuttered, mumbled to myself, read directly from the notes and wish that i was never borned... yea... that dramatic. and the worst thing was, i hated myself then. i hated myself for having such stupid fear. i hated myself for letting my group (it was a group project) down because of my failure. i also hated my group for forcing me to present when i told them vehemently i cannot do it at all. i hated them for making me hate myself for failing them :P ok la... hate is a strong word la... not hate hate until i will never ever be friends with them kinda hate la... hate hate like leave me alone for a few hours kinda hate la... but i tell you, my group mates really hated me then. they boycotted me for the whole semester :D which is really ok with me, coz i figured, if i've already apologized and they dont wanna accept it when in actual fact they are partly to blame too coz i already told them i cant do it what. who ask them to force me? :P conclusion? we got bad marks for it, partly because of the presentation and partly because of the idea that we came up to is damn stupid... hahahahahaha... i did tell them it's stupid, we should stick to products that are feasible. but no, my groupmates decided to be inventors instead, inventing this flying disc that can transport you to anywhere you like, standing on it :P
oh oh... did i mentioned? my Marketing class consist of less than 20 ppl :P yea, like that also i dapat stage fright :P
Let's now touch about friendship. no, i m not a friendship guru, god knows how much i've fucked up in this department. :D
So Small Cow and i went out for supper (diet? fuck it la :P) last nite and we talked about stuffs and then she told me about this incident where she has this ex gf who loves 'stealing' friends. yea, i've heard of such person before, lemme tell the story 1st only i tell you what i think, ok? :D
So Small Cow and this Eeyore were a couple. Eeyore is Small Cow's longest relationship la... anyway, when they were pat tor-ing last time, Small Cow and i weren't close. I mean she is forever with Eeyore and everytime i ask her out also she turn me down one... yea, macam sudah ada gf, tak perlu kawan kinda thingie la... so for that 2 years, Small Cow and i only met, what?, like, erm... 2-3 times :D yea... that bad :D anyway, from what i saw then was, Small Cow gave 100% into the relationship. Anyway, 1 incident during their pat tor period was, Small Cow and Eeyore and another couple (who are Small Cow's friends) when to an island resort for holiday. And after the trip, Eeyore forbid Small Cow to hang out with those couples anymore. And Small Cow also stupidly agree la (love is really blind for Small Cow). then hor, after they broke up, Small Cow realized (thru FB and Friendster) that Eeyore hangs out with the said couples! and the said couples ignored Small Cow! this is the 1st incident la... lemme tell you what i think:
i understand why the couple mogok Small Cow in the 1st place. i mean, if i were them, i will also for awhile la, coz imagine the hurt and disappointment when your friend treats you like a door mat like that, no gf that time find them, got gf that time dont wanna find them. like wtf? anyway, i told Small Cow about it, and she memang dah insaf la... yes, Small Cow is a good cow, ok? :D so anyway, Small Cow got pissed and confronted Eeyore and Eeyore's excuse was she didnt go find them, they come find her. yea riiighhhtt..... so Small Cow got pissed la and asked Eeyore why is she stealing her friends?? drama happened and they stopped talking for sometime. what i think? i think it's so damn fucking high school lor, i dont wanna friend you becoz you dont wanna friend me situation. but Small Cow is matured enough to just let it go la. she also malas wanna layan those people...
now... 2nd incident. this happened like a few years after the above incident. Small Cow intro 2 of her friends to Eeyore and for awhile all of them were happy happy hanging out with each other. Then things changed. Eeyore got a gf. no, small cow is not jealous about the fact that Eeyore got a gf. In fact, even if Eeyore got 100 gfs, Small Cow couldnt be arse about it la... but what she was pissed was, 1 week (yes, week, not month, not year) before Eeyore announced that she has a gf, Eeyore was sort of persuading Small Cow to give her another chance. Eeyore told Small Cow that she missed her, she wants her, oh baby oh baby, craps. But Small Cow being Small Cow, will not go back to her ex-es one, so she say no. But 1 week later, Eeyore has a gf. like wtf? meaning to say, when Eeyore was doing the "Oh my darling Small Cow, please return to me, oh baby oh baby", Eeyore was also pursuing another girl. Meaning to say, even before any relationship started, Eeyore already 'laku curang' (yea, they broke up last time coz Eeyore laku curang), so of coz Small Cow is pissed la. Then to make the things worst, Eeyore brought her new found gf out to all their gathering as if to gloat and show off. So Small Cow, being the matured one, decided to talk things out and tell them that she is not comfortable with the new invasion into their close knitted group la. and then the rest of the gang, sans Eeyore, told Small Cow, dont worry, if Eeyore bring the gf out again, we all leave. So the next outing came, Eeyore brought the gf and no one did anything. Which makes Small Cow damn disappointed with the gang la. so she told them off and then war started and Small Cow, couldnt be arse in continue with the war, step away. The aftermath of it all? The gang still hangs out sans Small Cow. Eeyore stole Small Cow's friends again. knowing Eeyore, she must have added some vinegar and salt and poison into the gang's mind about Small Cow la. Coz that's Eeyore's specialty. :D
1. What i see and think about all these? they are just not worth it at all la. i mean if you really wanna be a supportive friend and talk so big about willing to stand up for your friend and all those craps, do it. if not, dont even say it out loud. this paragraph is dedicated to the so called gang. whom i guess once in awhile still read this blog :D *waves* yea, i m talking about you, you useless friend. :D *waves again*
2. Eeyore is a friend stealer. She can do it to Small Cow, she can do it to anyone else :D *waves at the useless friend again* What i see is Eeyore must have a very traumatic childhood in school (ok la, i guess most butches have traumatic childhood la), maybe she always kena mogok by her schoolmates or maybe she memang damn lonely and no friends in school one... that why now grow up liao, wanna grab all the friends there is and even hijack other ppl punya friends :D damn insecure and childish, right? :D
so, my advise to Small Cow is, they are rubbish anyway, so be glad that such rubbish is outta her life :D she has quite a number of true friends and that's what matters :D