Thursday, October 8, 2009

randomness is the word of the day... wait... it's more like ranting is the word of the day....

....apparently i have a twitter account which i dont remember having.

....i m feeling lonely. suddenly crave for a *gasp* husband *gasp*

....i m scared of not dying by 35yrs old. what to do if i survived? *double gasp*

....i m so damn fucking demotivated, i dont know why the fuck am i still here.

....i m insulted by her. she irritates the hell out of me, she never listen when i talk and yet at the end of the day, she ended up assuming all the wrong things about me. and the most insulting part is, she actually offer me a job at her company doing some level entry accounting job which, if she care to listen enough, is something i hate doing! i wish she will just leave me alone and stop contacting me ever! i know i am suppose to see the positive side of it, but at this point of time when i am still fucking irritated with her, i refused to see any positivities! she is like a 'ta pu si de zhang lang' - cockroach that beat also wont die one. i should not talk about her anymore, coz seriously, she aint worth my time anymore. i know you are reading this, can u stop contacting me?? and i have no intention of telling you why i m so pissed and annoyed and irritated by you coz you will never get it anyway!

....i have this colleague whom i cant stand. 2 incidents, at the same lunch. 1st, our supplier decided to belanja us lunch. so we went to delifrance. all f us ordered 1 set meal for ourselves and she? she ordered 1 set meal to eat there and tapau 1 set meal. which i think is really memalukan. why so kiasu la? how come she dont feel embarrassed one?? then the 2nd incident, during the lunch, we were talking about the 'open house' the malay colleagues are planning to do this coming monday. and then she suddenly look at me and say: Big Cow, you dont take mc on that day ah! if not you got nothing to eat! and i was taken aback, coz i dah lama tak mc, until that day i was damn pissed and who the fuck is she to actually comment my mc taking when she takes it every other week?? then she has the cheek to continue with: Cakap dengan Lembu Besar mesti cakap terus punya, kalau tidak, dia memang tak datang kerja punya! niamachaucibai! damn fucking tulan, right??? Asst. Finance Manager saw my change of expressions (apparently i m pretty transparent la) and she faster say: Lembu Besar dah lama tak sakit la, tak kan you nak dia sakit? and the bitch went on either really bitchy, or really fucking stupid that she didnt know i am pissed, Aiyah, Lembu Besar ini betul sakit ke tak, kita mana tau? yes, she fucking said that. then i stoop to her level and said: i may fall sick often, at least i have some moral values and not be so thick skinned as to bungkus food back just because someone is paying. macam hantu lapar! and she went ish suka hati aku la! and i went ya, when someone who is uneducated and uncivilized, they wont know that they are embarrassing themselves. and all these while, we are smilling fakely with each other :D

....i m quite an immoral bitch myself.


  1. *gasp(10x)* lols.

    consciously be strong. control your mindfulness. you understand depression. you can overcome it. dont let it conquer you with negatively. life only begins at 35. :)

    as for those creeps, they are everywhere. if they dont add value to your life, just deduce them. Is there even such a word as 'deduce'? lols... I know you know what i mean.

  2. thanks for the words of encouragement, Redbabe :P

    the thing is, i've had this plan to kill myself at the age of 35. i've planned this since i was in primary school (yes, i m that morbid, actually :P)

    and now that 35 is creeping up, i a bit worried i might not do it. and if i dont do it, what's next? what am i suppose to do next with my life? i've never planned that far.

    i've been living life to the fullest since i've made the plans when young, but if i survived, i dont think i have much to do anymore :P

    the thoughts of growing old alone is kinda scary, you know? :D

  3. morbid. very. *shaking head*. it sent me right back into my cave for awhile. Lols. dont worry about not having plans after that. Nothing in life is planned anyway. Just take in whatever shit throws our way with a dash of optimism. That one, we have a choice.

    p/s: it is only scary if we perceived it to be.