i m really hopeless in blogging now. i cant find the time nor inspiration to blog anymore.
found some singapore ex-colleagues on facebook and after a few exchanges, i've planned a short trip to singapore this cny :D
i was pretty excited about this whole singapore trip until just now. and now i m super stressed.
you see, altho our team was really close on the surface, there were some dissatisfaction among the team mates. on one group will be the team leader and her 'pets' and another will be Ms S and friends. where do i fall? both category. actually the feud is between Ms S and the team leader. Somehow their 'ba zi' not ngam la. they just dislikes each other.
but at towards the end, i realized Ms S was the problem one. she is the queen of manipulative and a user. i was used to knit a dress for her daughter. altho everyone around me was telling me that i was being stupid. my thought then was it's ok, at least i learn knitting ma.... but towards the end, i did feel like i kena used la..but i dont remember why i feel that way. could be her behavior or her tone.
then the biggest betrayal was... erm.. forget it. dont really wanna go in depth but i was really hurt la... and that incident prompted me to come back to malaysia for good.
so anyway, 12yrs have passed and i've moved on - and i've added them in my FB. i actually did forgot about Ms S's characteristic. and i was looking back at the good old days with a rose-tinted glasses.
last nite, Ms Chewing Gum (whom i was also really close to, who was from the team leader's side) called me and we chatted for almost an hour. she told me how Ms. S used the team leader's friendship to betray her to the extend that the team lead decided to cut off all ties with ms s once and for all (apparently a first for the team leader)
so the plan was, on the 1st day of my trip, i will be going over to the team leader's house for gathering and meet up with a whole bunch of ex colleagues whom i've not seen for 12yrs - which i m really excited. and ms s is conspicuously not invited. which i was fine with me. until... ms s sent me a msg via fb asking me to meet. at first i was ok la, since i know the 2nd day i m planning to meet with another ex colleague who, most likely cannot make to the team leader's house for the gathering, whom is ok with ms s. so i dont mind meeting la. but ms s has other plans. she expect me to spend the whole day with her - which i m honestly not comfortable with. and asked me over to her house and meet her kids and then go out jalan jalan. i politely told her due to the short time i m gonna be in singapore, i prefer to utilize my time better by meeting more ppl. then she retorted that i will be meeting most of them at the team leader's house anyway. why cant i meet her alone the next day? i didnt know wat to answer. the real answer in my head was: "i dont wanna waste so much of my time with you, bitch! you were afterall the one who betrayed me and hurt me the most!" but instead, i explained to her again how short my stay in singapore is. and then she asked why did i plan such short trip. which honestly speaking, kinda irks me. so i told her no money la - in a very diplomatic way la... talking about exchange rates not in my favour and bla bla bla (apparently i can be diplomatic when pushed to a corner! =.=")
she didnt reply me after that.
here's the feeling i've identify over this whole episode:
1. sibeh stress ah! why human relationships so damn fucking complicated la? why la she wanna make things so complicated la?
2. guilty for taking side. this is the feeling i always had since last time. coz i always feel like i m torn between 2 people. so this time round, i choose to go over to team leader's house, somehow from the email exchange, i feel guilty. as if like i've chosen side. she make it seems like she so pitiful. like everyone is ostracizing her. maybe they are la... but then again, if she has not done anything wrong, will they behave that way? apparently even her those close friends from her side do not keep contact with her anymore and they are still in contact with the team leader (yea, actually her close friends all also ok with the team leaders one) and they will be going over for the gathering too! so ya lor, she send me pm asking to meet me alone and when i suggest her to invite more ppl, she make it seems like she has no more friends and if i dont meet her alone, she will be destined to be alone for the rest of her life (i m over dramatizing - but it's something like this la)
3. angry. angry that she is manipulating my 'easily get guilty' feeling all over again and act like the kelian one. angry that she actually ignited my unwanted angry and sad memories of her betraying me. angry that apparently i have not let go and have not moved on. angry that i dont know how to tell her, now, that i really dont wanna meet her anymore.
4. irritated. irritated that she is still that secretive. she is always wanting to know everyone's business but refuse to divulge her own things. like she asked me how's life, where am i located, what am i working as, which company am i working for. and when i replied and asked her back, she will change subject. like wtf??
so ya... from a very happy looking forward to this trip thingie, i suddenly lost one or 2 of the excited bubbles =.="
but i am still looking forward to meet the rest of the ppl la and explore around singapore and eat all the yummy local delights :D
i've sort of make up my mind not to meet her already - actually :D. we've not exchanged any phone numbers so i can just conveniently forget about it :D
i would love to go back to the old places i used to go when i was there. so most likely i will spend the whole day exploring myself :D
places that i wanna go:
1. changi airport - the place that i used to work. too bad i dont have the pass to walk around the transit area :D
2. bugis junction / century square / tampines mall / orchard area - i have to choose one la.. coz i know it's highly impossible to go all these places in mere 1 day :D
3. clarke quay
4. changi village
5. bedok / tampines / pasir ris (quite doable since team leader's place is in tampines)
food that i wanna eat:
1. chwee kueh
2. indian rojak
3. orh chien
5. chicken rice
6. nasi lemak
7. hokkien mee
8. yu tiao panggang and dipped with rojak sauce
10. malay mix rice
11. tahu telor
12. singapore subway
fuck... i knw i cannot have it all :(
no, altho i m going with minger and her bf and staying in the same hotel, i doubt we will hang out in singapore together at all :D maybe will meet them go drinking at night la. :D