weird dream....

had a weird dream about MF - again! i tell you ah... the more i wanna give up on him, the more things that reminds me of him start popping up everywhere. see! i hate my life! :P

i didnt meet him last nite. was pretty tired and lazy :P before i left the office, we were talking on the phone and he tried to convince me to meet him but i didnt really want to. anyway, the gist of it was, we plan not to meet la. so last nite when i was on my bed lazing around, watching "The Women", he called... actually hor... either my memory is really fucking bad, or i dont know why he called at all. but i do know i ended up confessing to him that i didnt end up sleeping when i reach home and that i was watching a DVD :P which makes me like ultra guilty coz i dont really like to FFK people :P so we talked some, and warm fuzzy feelings started to envelope me and then we hung up the phone and then i started to fucking think about him the whole fucking nite =.=" i seriously hate myself, you know? i hate myself for being so damn fucking wussy when it comes to him, i hate myself for FILTERING what i need to say when i talk to him coz if i dont, omg... i will be saying stuffs like: i love you! i want you! oh baby oh baby~~~ and that's not really smart now, is it? :P so yea, i hate myself for losing my own identity just coz i m so damn fucking in love with him.

i am sure people around me are thinking: oh god! tell him and get over and done with already! this is like a fucking broken record!!!!

i also think so....

i hate myself.

so today after i woke up with that weird dream about MF, i started to regret and kick myself for not meeting him last nite. but then again, what's there to regret? i mean like honestly, if he really do like me, he would have done something about it alre, right? or is it the friend factor thingie? you know, dont wanna do anything stupid like jeopardizing a friendship and all those crap?

omg... i wanna kill myself alre... i need to stop obsessing about him alre!