Sunday, February 20, 2011

Self analysing. Pls skip. It'll bore you ;-)

I m feeling lonely. I know it's not healthy to think of 'what ifs' but i m doing it now. What if i did marry him? Will we still be together or divorced? Will i still remain as negative and still wanna go thru with the master plan? Will we have kids? No, don't get me wrong, i m not regretting. What's past is past. I m just wondering how my life will end up? Wouldn't it be nice to really be able to travel to the parallel world and see? I do miss him. Now. A lot. Coz i m lonely la. This phase will pass. I know it will. I need to get a dog! :-p what if i continue staying in singapore and never come back to malaysia? Will my path crossed with these wonderful people i've known in kl? Will i still be working for the bank? Will i still have that alter ego? Eh, no, my alter ego came back with me to malaysia. So, ya, i got my answer for that. ;-) Anyway, i know for a fact, i will have a slightly cleaner life in singapore if i never came back. I wouldn't have the opportunity to do drugs and i think i will still be hating smokers. So irony hor? ;-) what if i didn't meet him that night he was drunk? His drunken words confused me. What was the last thing i told him on msn before he went drinking (i seriously cannot remember at all)? Why doesn't it matters if he is happy or not? Why did he suddenly blurt out art is a nice guy (which i still think is not la)? We all know we speak mostly the truth when we were drunk. And i m confused. Why do i need to keep the last trump card? I don't wanna play mind games. I rather be honest and truthful all the way. Why do i trust the person so much? Why do i analyse so much? Am i developing feelings for him? I know i like him a lot. But is that love? Does my heart goes beepopbeepopbeepop when i talk to him or meet him? No. Nada. Zilch. I know i m happy when i m talking to him. But then again, i've been happy even when not talking to him. I know i find him refreshing. But then again, a new friend that has things in common is always refreshing. I think i've got my answer alre :-) it's nice to do these self analysing once in awhile to clear my head :-)

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