Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Happy me :-)

2011 has so far brought me so much happiness and contentment that i never experienced before, i've always read about it, but never experience it before. I know i shouldn't count the chickens before they are hatched since it's only february, but honestly, i can feel in my bone that life couldn't get any better than this! :-) i've been negative and depressed for almost all my life coz i couldn't let go of petty stuffs that upsets me. As more and more petty stuffs manifested in my tank of upsets, i became really angry with myself that it actually depresses me. My childhood was most part fun. But i m able to recall those aunties cruelly laughing and bitching about me when they thought i was sleeping. I remember that incident pretty vividly actually. I remember silent tears rolling down my cheeks as i lay there pretending to sleep. I felt so betrayed coz they are my aunts after all, so why were they bitching about me? So i didn't let go. Not forgetting, they were always openly making fun of my brother and i for lacking a mother figure coz she was working away in singapore. So i tried to be a people pleaser at that young age. But that doesn't work too well and i was already forming suicidal thoughts. At my teenage years, i got really rebellious. And i felt freedom for being rebellious, but at the same time, i felt like a horrible person for being so disrespectful towards the elders. And i got even more depressed and suicidal. These negative feelings leads my life to a series of events and i was really so down in the pits, i gave up even trying to go up. I was left in a comfort zone of depression and negative thoughts. Then i started to know more and more really positive and nice people. And i started to question myself, how come i cannot be positive? I tried to be positive half heartedly but i always reach a stumble block and fall all the way down again feeling even more depressed and frustrated. It takes a passing of an old friend to wake me up. I've realized i've not live life to the fullest because i did not give my all to try to change to a more positive person! It's been 8mths since then and i can seriously see the changes in my life and luck when i started to think positively! I seriously feel so much more happier than before and when i am down, i am able to overcome it by finding positive thoughts in that situation! I know self praise is no praise, but i still think i m doing a great job now as compare to previously :-) most importantly, i've finally learned to love myself and doing things that i love :-) with all these positive vibe, i actually met quite a number of really nice people recently and somehow i felt truly blessed :-) one particular person is a hometown guy. We were from a different school, never talk to each other before, know each other's existence and were in the same maths tuition class. Recently i added him in facebook and initiated chat. It was quite awkward at first. After some emails exchanged, msn chat, and loads of sms, i realized he gets me more than any guy ever gets me. I must confess, in the begining, i did had a crush on him. But after getting to know him much better, i realized he is more like a twin brother! And i m surprised at myself for revealing so much about myself to him! But somehow, i feel that i can trust him completely as a friend :-) and that's really comforting :-) no, he is not my type (i think). And there's no sparks between us. It's purely platonic and i m truly loving it! :-) anyway, as i was saying, i m really happy at this stage of my life and i believe all this stemmed from the positive outlook in life that i am finally practicing :-)


  1. Who says self praise is not praise? At least you realised u are doing something good. Isn't that alone is good enuf? :) We don't need acceptance from others. We just need to accept ourself.

  2. Thanks babe! You do know that you are one of the friend who has influenced me, right? ;-) thanks for being there to knock some senses into me :-)