Nuffnang

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Of small cow, finger and red indians...

i actually have quite a few things in my mind that i wish to jot down....

but fearing that jotting it down will jinx it, i cant write about it yet.

family wise, another drama happened. i think it's never ending. why still wanna come bothering me when i already made myself clear to stay out of my life completely and dont contact me anymore? why still call me up every other month to harrass me??

small cow. now that's a light moment... i think i should just concentrate on this topic :D further to the blog post below, the following night, small cow and i had another round of crazies in the darkened aircon room (i love dark dark room). i dont remember what happened. but we suddenly started singing all kind of oldies. lol. really really really sing. it's like we were having karaoke on the mattress. and we talked about a lot of stupid crazy stuffs that leaves both of us giggling like mad. then suddenly we realised we were tired and it was already 2ish 3 and we decided to just stop talking and try to sleep - afterall, we need to work the next day! but just few minutes attempting to sleep, we suddenly burst into songs again =.=" yea, we are really that 'fai' :P. then we started talking about how there are many chinese oldies that are actually a cover version of the english songs. Like Beautiful Sunday (Small Cow's mom sang the chinese version whilst i sang the english version when we were driving back from Melaka the other day :D) then i told her, "there, seven lonely days also ma..." then she started singing "Gei wo yi ke wen, ke yi bu ke yi....." and then we started singing again la =.=" and then macam not enough, we used her phone to youtube it =.="

yes, i seriously do agree, when you put Small Cow and Big Cow in the same room, there is no such thing as sleeping early one. :D we are just too sampat for our own good :D

and yes, i think we seriously need to go karaoke to get rid of this singing bug :D

last nite was a break from the silliness coz someone had a 'hot date' :D i went home at around 1ish 2, and she wasnt back yet. i slept at 2.30 and she wasnt back yet. i woke up to pee at around dunno what time, she wasnt back yet. but i know when i woke up at around 5ish 6 to pee, i thought she wasnt back yet, so i used my leg to 'feel' her mattress to see if she is back or not. but i think i 'feel' it too hard, coz i felt like i was kicking her. she was back alre :P

tonite, i... oh wait, i dont wanna jinx it. maybe i will talk about it next week or something. ;)

anyway, this morning whilst i was throning on my porcelaine throne, i started thinking... oh wait, i think that can be a seperate post all together :D

we will be going for our annual company trip again this May. so soon?? you ask? ya lor.... less than a year ago (August last year) we went to Awana Kijal and had fun but extremely tiring trip. This year, everyone vote for somewhere NEARBY and the management has decided on The Eagle Ranch Resort, Port Dickson. and since we will be going country and western, the theme this year will be Wild Wild West (like duh?) and i told lady boss, for my selfish reason, i voted no for the theme coz it's so damn hard to get baju my size leh =.=" and i dont like to play dress up (yes, i m a spoil sport :D) anyway, lady boss came up with a lot of ideas, basically i think i am gonna be a red indian or the fattest Pocahontas around :P so we were joking and laughing about the dress up and we all agree Finger should be a red indian chief coz the chief dont talk much (or at least that's how we see it from those old old movies :D) and so we started to joke around. Here's the sort of profiling of Finger's chief:

Name: Chief No Talk

Chief's dialogues (that we came up with last nite):

"Chief see many people"
"Chief eat now"
"Chief come, chief see, chief no talk"
"Chief drink"
"Chief sees men, chief sees women, chief likes"
"Chief feel wind. chief sees fire (we are planning to have the dress up during our bbq nite)"
"Chief happy"


anyway, to end this post aptly, i shall paste some of my favourite Red Indian jokes :D

Learn it by listening

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy." Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction." Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon." "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."

******************

A little Red Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor
of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while
the white men have shorter names - Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?"

His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or
a poem for our culture --not like the white men, who
repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of
our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive.

For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake,
because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected
in the lake.

Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he
was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies
of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to
live and the life force of our people. It's very simple and easy to
understand.
Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China ?"

******************

Here's one about the old native American who wanted a loan for $500.
The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going
to do with the money?"
"Take jewelry to city and sell it," was the response.
"What have you got for collateral?"
"Don't know collateral."
"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of
the loan.Have you got any vehicles?"
"Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup."
The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"
"Yes, I have a horse."
"How old is it?"
"Don't know, has no teeth."
Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.
Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled
out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said.
He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off
"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"
"Put in teepee."
"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked.
"Don't know deposit."
"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you.
When you want to use it you can withdraw it."
The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for
collateral?"

******************

NAVAJO MESSAGE TO THE MOON

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it
took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in
Arizona for training.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the
space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who
spoke only Navajo, asked a question.

His son translated for the NASA people: "What are
these guys in the big suits doing?" One of the
astronauts said that they were practicing a trip to
the moon. When his son relayed this comment the
Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would
be possible to give to the astronauts a message to
deliver to the moon.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw
one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts
said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get
a tape recorder.

The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were
brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would
translate what his father had said. The son listened
to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he
refused to translate.

So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo
village and played it for other members of the
tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also
refused to translate the elder's message to the
moon.

An official government translator was summoned.
After he finally stopped laughing the translator
relayed the message:

"WATCH OUT FOR THESE ASSHOLES. THEY HAVE COME TO
STEAL YOUR LAND."

************************

Some hostile Indians finally captured the Lone Ranger and told him that they were going to kill him. They decided that since he was such a great adversary, they would grant him one last wish. When told this, the Lone Ranger whistled loudly, and from out of nowhere galloped his horse Silver. The Lone Ranger whispered something in the horse's ear, and the horse took off a great speed. The Indians were curious and waited to see what happened. Sure enough, about half an hour later, Silver appeared with a gorgeous woman on his back, and he dropped her off in front of the Lone Ranger. So impressed were the Indians that they untied the Lone Ranger, showed him to a teepee, and let him do as he pleased.

A few hours later, the Lone Ranger exited very tired and barely able to stand up. The Indians decided that they would let him regain his strength and execute him the next day.

But the next day came, and the Indians were absolutely amazed at the previous day's spectacle, that they decided to again grant the Lone Ranger one last wish. Again, he whistled for Silver, Silver appeared, the Lone Ranger whispered something in his ear, the horse took off and brought back an even more beautiful woman. Flabbergasted, the Indians again let the Lone Ranger have some privacy with the woman in a tee pee, and again, he was nearly exhausted afterward, unable to walk.

Another day passed, and the Indians decided they needed to see what would happen, so they granted him yet another wish. Again, the Lone Ranger whistled for Silver, and when the horse appeared, the Lone Ranger grabbed him by the neck and yelled at him, "I said, get me a posse!"

******************

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,

"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber then buffalo chip. Someone has stolen tent."

******************

The Two Indians and the Pole

There were two Indians and a Polish fellow walking along together in the desert, when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up a hill to the mouth of a cave.

He stopped and hollered into the cave... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" and then listened very closely until he heard the answer..."Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He then tore off his clothes and ran in to the cave.

The Polish fellow was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about, was that Indian goofy or something.

"No", said the other Indian. "It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", and get an answer back, that means that she is in there waiting for you.

Well, just about that time, the other Indian saw another cave. He took off and ran up to the cave, then stopped and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" When he heard the return, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", off came the clothes and into the cave he goes.

The Pole started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. All of a sudden, he looked up and saw this great big cave.

As he looked in amazement, he was thinking, "Man! Look at the size of that cave! It's bigger then the ones that those Indians found. There must really be something really great in this cave!"

Well... he took-off up the hill at a super fast speed. He got in front of the cave and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He was just tickled all over when he heard the answering call of, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! Off came his clothes and, with a big smile on his face, he raced into the cave.

The next day in the newspaper the head lines read...

.

.

.

.

.

"Naked Pole Run Over By Freight Train!!"

******************

ok... enough of the jokes.now get back to work! :D

2 comments:

  1. erm... thanks erwinator... but what's the luck for? *confused*

    ReplyDelete