endless rambling.... mental diarrhea

christmas was spent in bed with Mr Cough, Ms Flu, Mrs Fever, Master Nose Bleed and Madam Diarrhea. ya.

feeling a lil better now. or at least i choose to believe it la.....

the other day when i saw the doc, he told me that i have high blood pressure. which is a surprise for me coz (surprisingly) even tho with my big fat obese body, i have a normal blood pressure... except maybe sometime in Aug / July 2003 when i couldnt take the pressure of my then job.

anyway, when i told Auntie Lisa, she went: Not surprising. With so many ppl 'kik' you at work, sure got high blood pressure one...

=.="

true.

anyway, as usual, my mind cannot focus on anything long when i blog, i teringat something.... the other day, i think it was tuesday nite. i was really sick and tired of the sickness (and yet stubbornly refused to see a doc coz i scared kena jab at the butt - dont even ask why), i drove to the only place that i know that sells the traditional chinese herbal tea by the roadside. i went to PJ Oldtown. Bear in mind, my nose is already stuffed with clotted blood and mucus, hence i should not be able to taste or smell anything. HOW FUCKING WRONG WAS I!!! i dont remember it being so damn awfully bitter leh! the last time i drank that was when i teman minger to drink it (i wasnt sick and she was very sick and i gotta coax her into drinking them telling her that if she drinks, i will drink too... i was disgustingly yucky!) So anyway, apparently mine was pretty chronic la... coz when teman minger drink that time, only got 1 glass bitter and 1 glass sweet. but that nite... fuyoo, 2.5 glasses of bitter and 2 mouthful of sweet. until i was forced to buy another glass of the sweet one to gurgle away the bitter aftertaste (nope, doesnt work). maybe the tea taste extra bitter when one is sick... but it's so weird since i shouldnt be able to taste anything mah.... dunno la... but the tea makes me sweat like mad lor.... dunno what they put inside also.

and no, it didnt help with my sickness at all... infact, it got worst. so i ended up seeing doc on wed and got and mc.... the med also didnt work. i thought i was strong enouigh to go to work the next day. mana tau, reach office office nia, i started to shiver like mad and left after 1 hr. went to see the doc again and this time gave me stronger med.... those meds that were suppose to make me drowsy didnt make me drowsy leh.... it made me feeling nauseated. ya... so i was holed up at home nursing the stupid sickness.

christmas came and gone. it was nothing special. altho i felt a tiny twang of home sickness. i mean, i know i have been bitching about my family all the time, but come christmas or cny, i will miss them a lot. maybe i m really a masochist, maybe somewhere along the bitchiness in them, there is a tiny little goodness in them that i missed. or maybe i was sick and sick ppl always misses family warmth. maybe. i dont know.

but whatever it is, it has all been said and done. there is no turning back.

sick status: still recovering. and still nose bleed like mad.

i tell ya, nose bleed is actually a nuisance. i mean, it's painless and it's damn fucking disgusting lor. i was attempting to lead a normal life last nite by venturing out to have dinner at the nearby kopitiam. mana tau as i half heartedly tucked in to my sweet and sour pork rice (half heartedly coz when you are sick, everything also tasteless one), my nose started to gush out blood. seriously. and the stupid nose decided to bleed non stop for about 15mins or so. nia ma. everyone was like staring cock at me like i m some kinda freak. i was torn between abandoning the dinner or just sit there and stuff more tissue paper into my nostril and wait for it to stop to continue eating. obviously i chose the later la.... i am not willing to waste food at this point of my life coz i know, and i truly know, what it's like to be really broke and cannot afford even bread. so there i was, blood gushing (yes, gushing, not even in droplets wei), tissues after tissues stuffed up my nose, i got really really annoyed and impatience. so i did what i was not suppose to do, i blow it out. yes i did. no need to imagine la. it was fucking gross. and my baju got stained. the aftermath of it? i look like some crazy bitch that just had a cat fight with herself. =.="

i think i really am a closet masochist. coz i then drove off to look for yau char kwai. yes, super heaty and super no no for my sickness. but alas, i couldnt find any. yay for my sickness. boo for my closet masochism.

i am beginning to have a slight paranoia. i think the ENT Specialist that i saw last year (or is it the year before?) is wrong about my nose bleed. he claimed that it's due to the skin in my nose is too thin, that's why it bleeds easily. but hor, how come i feel that the blood comes from deeper inside than the spots that the doc showed me? (yes, he put some camera into my nose to show me my 'thin skin'. but the only thoughts in my mind then was, wah.... look at all those hair! =.="

so ya, maybe my prophecy or self curse is coming true, maybe i really will die at the age of 35 or earlier. maybe.

no wor, i m not feeling an ounce of self pity wor. i m just letting my thoughts flow out.

the positive thing about being sick? i stopped smoking for god knows how long alre.... no crave at all. this shows something. i m really not addicted to smoking and i can quit smoking anytime i want - if i want :D

*giving self a pat on the back*

no leh, i didnt purposely go stalk and hunt down her blog. it's more like stumbled. i logged in to my blog and saw her change her name. and one thing led to another, i found her blog. then i saw the latest entry. omg. hope everything's ok at her end la. i still think our country's police force is useless lor. i remember seeing them patrolling her area most of the time when i go find her. but still this shit still happened. it must be fucking traumatic to be tied up by robbers.

of all sickness, i hate cough the most. coz cough takes longer time to recover and also this stupid cough makes me cough so hard until pee also can come out. and i can feel like my lung is gonna jump out.

am tempted to call my family. really tempted. but say what? i miss them? then they will definitely ridicule me further. do i really wanna chuk chung yap si fat?

i m feeling hungry (nothing to do with previous post, as said, i m spewing out everything in my head now - hopefully it will be blank again) for the 1st time in days.

do you know that everything taste like peanut butter when you are sick? oh wait... that's coz i have peanut butter sandwich the whole time i was sick. the med tasted like peanut butter, the water tasted like peanut butter, the blood tasted and smelled like peanut butter. yes. EVERYTHING :D thank goodness me loves peanut butter :D

ok. need to stop typing now. stupid blood is gushing from my nose again =.="