this morning....

.... i slept with a smile plastered on my face. not because i had great orgasmic sex, but because i think i finally have a closure :) and this time round i m NOT that rakusly sad :)

things have been made clear. we are very good friends. in fact, we are lucky to actually found each other. he is better off with his gf and i am better off being his buddy. but i cant deny i still love him a hell lot and according to him, he likes me alot too. :)

what happened? a few things happened yesterday at work that makes me go GRRRRRRRRR and out of impulse, i sms-ed him: Dunno about u, but i m having the worst day ever. Wanna have ice cream tonite? :P and so being the silly cow i am, i've annoyed small cow with inane questions and sort of (ok, prepare to call me the ultimate bitch now) make double plans with small cow, just in case he dont wanna meet (fucking bitchy, i know... coz i am doing EXACTLY what i hate others do to me to small cow). but seriously, small cow is like a saint like that. she took things to her stride and wasnt actually that pissed with me.... until i (yes, my mistakes were snow balling like mad - hey, i never said i m that smart ok??) went and annoyed small cow (EXACTLY the way i will get pissed too if i were in her situation) and kept on insisting that she is pissed with me and FLOODED her with sms-es trying to cajole her to be not pissed with me (yes, big cow can be so damn fucking annoying at times, even big cow hates herself). but the sad excuse was, i was actually living in my happiness bubble of MF and i seriously take those that are close to me (especially small cow) for granted. so yes, i m very sorry, small cow. u have every single rights to be pissed with me, i accept that, but dont be too long la :P and no, i m not pujuking u or blogging about this whole thing because MF and i are no longer an issue. i even started to pujuk u before i met him last nite. conclusion, i m sincere la. sowwweeeeee small cow...

ok, back to MF. despite the fact that things are over before anything started, i actually enjoyed myself tremendously and i am paying for it now (being a zombie at work). so wat happened was, i left office at around 7ish, hoping to take a short nap before meeting him, but i ended up having dinner with lm, before going back to roll on the bed, but i didnt end up sleeping at all coz he called at around 9 something telling me he was on the way. (!!!) anyway, on the way to McD (i wanted Chocotop), i was asking him if he is gonna makan ice cream or not... and he told me no. and i went: ohhhhkaaay... why are u here then?? and he went: coz i promised you mah... and i went: promises are meant to be broken, ok? and he went: i dont mind a coke coz i am quite full at the moment and i went (being my anal self): you can get coke at the 7-11 near ur place what (yes, i was on annoying mode full force. dun ask me why - but part of me was annoyed.. i dont want him to feel obligated to meet me. i want him to want to meet me!) so anyway, when we reached McD, i straightaway ordered my chocotop and i was about to order coke for him, he suddenly ordered BIG'N'TASTY MEAL LARGE!!! ok, let's rewind abit, he dont wanna have ice cream coz he is quite full coz he just had dinner right before he met me, but he is having a fucking large meal??? and me being me, couldnt really hide my wide eyes, mouth gaping expression looking at him and when WHAT? and he only smile at me sheepishly. *faints* so yea, i was happy happy eating ice cream, and he was happy happy eating his quarter pounder burger with the works. and so we talked. alot. we talked about our fears, our dream final holiday destinations, our high school days (for those uninformed, we were not from the same class or clique, nor were we really friends, we knew each other's existence, i fell for him after one mountain climbing experience in Form 4 :P), who did he hung out with, we talked about a schoolmate of ours whom i've only recently found out is gay - and both of us agreed that our friends are just too cruel to that gay friend. we talked about his gf, we talked about ifer. we talked about the silly stuffs that big cow always do. we talked about going for a holiday together - only the 2 of us (and i am looking forward to it... what?? good friends cannot go holiday together without our partners one meh?? really! there's is nothing between us :P), we talked about his tree planting project in inner mongolia (yes, he is sort of a tree hugger) and we talked and talked and talked... the next thing we knew, it was 2.45 am. shit. and i m working the next day. so we talked more. :P and then he drove me home, missing a few turns (i think deliberately - coz i went: eh, turn left in front and he said: i know but he went straight =.=" then i went, ok, then turn right in front before the traffic light and he went: ok and went straight and stop at the traffic light when the light just turn amber. so i asked him: erm, u are sending me home, right? and he went: yea... and i went: my home is behind us, far far away alre and he went: really? and he continue driving in circles :D and we talked somemore. by the time i reach home, it's 4 something. by the time i sleep, it's 5 something. and here i m now, paying for one night of happiness by being a zombie at work :P

conclusion? i love him, he like me, we aint gonna be together. and i didnt bother to ask him the question that i wanted to ask: eh, after u are done with her, can i be next? :P no more. cannot ask anymore :D