i was asking minger this yesterday: why is it that on the days that are extremely shitty, more people are attracted to you to dump more shit on you?
yesterday was one of those days. i did not get the job. the job over here still sux - to the max. chances of me getting fired today is extremely high. and what happened? people, close friends and relatives, without even bother asking me how am i, straight away dump their problems on me. while i was juggling to handle shit at work, i was trying my very best to be a good cousin and a good ah jie. i tried reasoning with them, telling things that i think is logical, while any moment i might get fired. did they bothered asking me how am i? nope. they didnt.
the cousin - she has the cheek to call me 1st. i told her i cant talk. and straight away she told me she will talk to me online. what did she want from me? to do up her resume. i gave her suggestion, i guided her to the correct direction on how to do up her resume, in return, what did i get? she told me off, telling me how fucked up i am as well if i m at her situation. u know, i really do not need that, thank you very much.
the ah mui - she is at her irrational self again. i dont wanna elaborate more coz it's her private matter and i seriously hope and pray for once she sees the light on her folly. dont worry mui, i will still buy the air ticket for you since i owe you, but i dont agree with your actions at all.
it was superstressful day for me. and seriously speaking on days like these, i m seriously thankful for lm, minger and of coz small cow. i was extremely down, i kept on feeling i've been pushed to a corner. the job i really wanted did not materialized, and i cant quit this hellhole yet coz i've got too much financial obligations (read debts) to just walk off like that. i needed ice cream. to be more precise, Wall's Almond Magnum. And i wanted to eat ice cream whilst sitting on a swing that can fit me (i big cow mah.... how to sit on tiny swings for kids?). And i also wished to hide in the room and cry my hearts out. so wat happened was, small cow and medium cow was suppose to come over and fetch me and minger to bring me go makan ice cream on the swing. but as i was leaving the office, more shit happens. and i couldnt bring myself to meet up with them anymore. i didnt wanna spoil their mood at all, coz believe me, i am a great mood spoiler. so i ffk-ed all of them. then lm called me and ask me wanna join her for dinner near our place or not. and i went. we ate, i talked and complained and whined. she asked me this question: why do you always feel like you are obliged to help them?
i thought for awhile and i've got: i m a worst case scenario person, yes, i will imagine the worst case that could ever happened and if it is that bad, i will just help. so what happened is, most of the time when i am there for them, i always think that what if on that one time i decided i am too caught up to help them, it was a dire situation and something really really really bad happened to them in the result of me not helping them (think suicide, rapes, robbed...etc etc..)? can i live with myself? can i live with the guilt? nope, cannot. so help lor...
i know la, these are extreme thoughts. but i cant help it.
conclusion: i dont mind helping, seriously, i dont. i really dont mind going all out to do things for my friends and cousins if i feel worth it and know that i m being appreciated. but i do mind wasting my time on people whom i tried to help and in the end they think i m being bitchy and i am a bad person. i usually help by asking a lot of questions to understand the situation better, not becoz i kaypoh wanna pry more. if you want me to help, tell me everything. if not, dont bother asking me.
snippets of things that pissed me off yesterday (in random order):
#1 : the cousin needed help with her resume. i did up her job functions for her and i told her to list down the experience gained. and she told me none. how is that possible? the list of job functions that she has listed out are all the stuffs she has never done before, doesnt that count as experience? then instead of solving the issue, she started to bitch about her bosses. and i tried to steered her away from that and talk about her resume and told her that she should be more objective and not so emotional now coz her main purpose now is to do up her resume ma and i was in deep shit in office then. then she decided to attack me. yep. she did. she implied that i m pretending to be goody two shoes and all that crap coz she knows i also bitched about my work. yes, i do. but i m trying to help you here? harlow?? u need help with ur resume, go fucking do up your resume and bitch about ur bosses some other time. and the best thing of all, she fucking KNOWS i am fucking busy!
#2 : ah mui wants to come back to malaysia to look for job and leave her husband alone in aussie. she has her own reasons. which is logically, if stand alone. but if you were to add more fact around it, it seems that her logically reason is irrational. extremely irrational. i totally against it. but then again, who am i, right? just a pseudo ah jie. as said, i will get u ur air tix - just becoz i owe you - but i do not agree with ur decision at all.
both of them are chickens. at the end of the day when i lamented to minger, she concluded to me: 2 chickens vs 1 big cow, big cow will die. i think so too.