I caused the earth tremor (in my imagination)

So this morning during breakfast, I was telling Uncle Nam (dad's cousin from Chiangmai) that I am planning to go on a road trip after I buy a new car. and he asked me if I have booked the car yet and I told him no coz I am still waiting for my money to come in. and he advised me to just go pay a booking fee of RM100 to Perodua as right now they are shortage of stock and could wait up to 4 months!

After bidding them good bye and sending my 2 cute yee pors back, I decided to head over to Perodua. I lazy to retype. here is what happened (I wrote this to my friend via telegram)

i slipped and fell at perodua this morning when I went there to shop for a car. now my whole body aching. i was walking and next thing i knew, my leg slipped and i felt like i flew up a bit and whammed! my butt touched the ground and i was stunned for awhile and very bruised ego. now my back waist part like aching. must be all the fats in my body jiggled too much

and he gave me the idea to get ChatGPT to help me write it in a funny Harry Potter style and here it is! hahahah

Once upon a time, in the wizarding world of Harry Potter, there was a young witch named Gertie. Gertie was on her way to her job at the Ministry of Magic when she suddenly slipped and fell at the entrance of Perodua. She landed on her backside with a thud and felt like her whole body had been jinxed by a mischievous spell.

As she slowly picked herself up, she looked around to see if anyone had witnessed her embarrassing tumble. To her relief, she saw that she was alone. However, her relief was short-lived when she realized that her whole body was aching, and she had a feeling that her ego was bruised even worse than her backside.

Gertie hobbled into work, trying to ignore the pain in her back waist, but it was no use. She could barely concentrate on her tasks, and her colleagues kept giving her strange looks as she tried to shuffle around the office.

Finally, her boss, a stern-looking wizard named Mr. Grimble, called her into his office.

"Gertie," he said, "I've noticed that you're not yourself today. Is there something wrong?"

Gertie hesitated, then blurted out, "I slipped and fell at Perodua this morning. Now my whole body is aching, and my back waist part is hurting like mad. I must have jiggled all the fats in my body too much."

Mr. Grimble looked at her in surprise, then burst out laughing. "Jiggled all the fats in your body too much? That's the funniest thing I've heard all day! You're a riot, Gertie!"

Gertie felt a bit better, knowing that at least she could still make someone laugh, even in her sorry state. From then on, whenever anyone asked her how she was feeling, she would reply, "Oh, just a bit jiggly today, but nothing too serious."

And thus, Gertie's slip and fall became the talk of the Ministry of Magic, and she became known as the jiggly witch who could still make even the sternest of wizards crack a smile.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Dad's driving

My dad's cousins from Chiangmai & Penang came visiting the past 2 days. Wished they can stay longer coz Uncle Nam told me so many of the fun road trips memories he had with my dad and another uncle (FC) who passed away.

He told me how my dad decided to take 1 week break and took a bus to KL to meet the other uncle (FC) and they took a bus up to Penang to meet Uncle Nam and stayed 2 nights there. Then drove to Thailand and Laos. Uncle Nam told me my dad is a speed devil🤣 There was a night when my dad was driving and both uncle Nam and uncle FC were sleeping, my dad stepped on the accelerator all the way and he was driving 130mph. Uncle Nam woke up coz he felt the car shaking and panicked and asked my dad to slow down... hahaha

that sound just about right. My dad is a speed devil when he is on the highway and a snail when he is in Kluang. hahaha. Whenever I come back kluang last time and if my dad drove, I will have to say "pa, drive faster a bit let....." which will trigger him to a tirade of speeding kills and that there are a lot of stray animals in kampung / small town. then me being me, backside itchy, will always argue back that slow driving also kills - the time 😝

Anyways, my dad is a good driver la. And I am very proud that he taught me driving and nagged at me all the time when I was driving last time. Coz his naggings works lehh.... I am quite proud of my driving skill to be honest. hahaha

And hor, I think I inherited my dad's passion for road trips. Coz I love love love going on road trips. but currently with the condition of my current car, I dare not make any long distance road trips coz the car is 11yrs old. haha.

Good news is, I just paid a booking fee for a new car today. 🥳🎉 hopefully everything will be ok soon!

Tommy Page - Just Before (I Was Gonna Say I Love You)

My currently loop song. 💔💔💔💔

旁观者清

 

旁观者清

páng guān zhě qīng

The person on the spot is baffled, the onlooker sees clear (idiom). The spectator sees more of the game.

When I was much younger (in my early teens), my relationship with my mom deteriorated. I don't know why but I was just very angry and disgusted with her. I think that was that time when I suspected she was having affairs. My cousin even told me before she and her sis and her mom saw my mom holding hands with another guy in Singapore. You see, my mom works in Singapore all my growing years coz my dad couldn't earn enough to support us. Cos he was too active in his union. Anyways...so ya, why 旁观者清 and why I was suspicious?

You see, whenever she comes back to Kluang for a few days, we will receive call from this Benny guy. Benny is around 10yrs or more younger than my mom. And since last time I always use the phone, every time the phone rings, I will sure go answer and then when this guy ask for mom, I will just pass the phone to her and she will be very very awkward and talk until very unnaturally and then she will always say: 旁观者清 . She thought I banana didn't understand this Chinese idiom. Padahal I always hang out with my Chinese speaking friends and they always use this idiom when they wanna tease each other about their crush (like A likes B but denies she likes B. C&D will tease A about it and A will deny and C&D will say 旁观者清 coz C&D can see very obvious A likes B. ya childish. but ya. and yes, I was always A 🙈.🙈🙈)

So back to mom. Whenever she says this, Benny is quite stupid or maybe he purposely want mom to get caught - I am not sure. And mom will have to repeat 旁观者清 a few times. until she gets irritated and say somethings like "I already say 旁观者清 lor!!! You don't understand issit??" and hung up the phone.

Since I was super rebellious then, I will always confront her and she will always give me half ass excuse before she uses her temper to cover for her by screaming and threatening to cane me. Which makes me even more suspicious la. 

Then a few times during school holidays, my brother and I will go down to sg by ourselves to spend time with her, Benny will show up as well. but I actually never really suspected she was having affair with him. I was suspecting her having affair with this other man who drives us around all the time and even drove us in to JB so that my dad can pick us up. 

Fast forward a few years later when I move to sg to work, and we both shared a room, this guy still exist. and mom always tells me that she make use of him to drive her around. then there was one incident when I was working midnite shift, when I came back from work in the morning, I saw my mom as bruises all over. apparently this guy beat her up when he was drunk. I wanted to report police and mom say cannot coz she was working there illegally. sigh.

then there is another older man. that time I no longer live with my mom coz I wanted to move nearer to my work place. so she got this older man to help me move. everytime I move, he will be there to help. so I also got asked her is this man is her new guy. she just dismissed my question and I also malas to ask further coz I suspected.

then there was one Chinese new year. 1st day where we practiced eating vegetarian for half day. Benny came to kluang to visit. on pretext he is her god brother. and she wanted to match make me with him. but I was quite disgusted with him so I also like tak layan much and mom was super pissed at my rudeness.

so nowww...... jeng jeng jeng.....

I was clearing mom's stuffs recently and I saw this letter in Chinese. and u know I can't read Chinese right? so I just kept it a side when I saw the letter was signed by Ben. hmmm... I suddenly suspected it is a love letter.

then I forgot about it. until today. I saw the letter again and I took pic of the letter and ask Andrew to translate for me word by word......... u see yourself bah

I sounded ok right?? that was just now la... then a few hours later, as I am sitting here and look at the direction where the house phone is, suddenly this idiom 旁观者清  come flashing back. the letter was dated 1991 - when I was 15yrs old. means my suspicion was right!!

so ya. my mom was my biggest gaslighter since I was young. no wonder I grow up so damn screw up!

oh and ya, my dad also got affair la... I think with a Thai chick. coz I saw sms from her before asking him for more money *face palm.

Major Spring Cleaning

Recently I have decided to major spring clean the house once and for all. 

Been getting rid of damn a lot of stuffs - mostly my mom's stuffs. coz she was a hoarder

Yesterday, we decided to tackle my childhood room and I found damn a lot of old photos and old old old letters. Which let me to:

1. 

realised we all made damn a lot of effort to keep our friendships back then! most of the letters (hand written ahhhh) were easily 10pages long! I didn't read all of them though. Coz I knew reading them will bring back a lot of memories that will probably trigger my depression. Which that happened today when I woke up. I feel damn down now. I feel like I am seriously a very bad friend for not making an effort to continue writing. I know I am mostly to be blamed coz I actually found a few unsent letters for those friends. mostly ex friends.

then the thoughts and feelings went spiral downwards. I started to recall the many many fights I had with them. mostly telling me what an irritating bitch I was (prolly still am) and that I should change. But I remember always feeling damn indignant when I was being told of my flaws. as if like they are so perfect and nothing wrong? as if like I didn't accept them as who they are? but then I started to think, I am a horrible person. I guess they have had enough of me.

2.

those old pics. we all looked so damn genuinely happy! and now I feel damn depressed. why? coz we are no longer friends. how come? am I really not worthy enough for them to made an effort to be friends with me? which lead back to - I am a horrible person. that's why they don't bothered to be friends with me anymore.

3.

how come I cannot smile and laugh like before? most of my smile can see twinkle in my eyes one! I can see I was really really really happy. but I also recall I was super suicidal then. what happened to me? how come I cannot smile like that anymore?

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anyways, I am too lazy to elaborate more about my feelings coz - I don't know - I am just too sad to meluahkan perasaan aku.