Family...

 .... i have none

Relatives.... i have too many

I always try to lie to myself i have an awesome family. Do i? Nope. I have an awesome group of relatives.

I am all alone. An orphan. My brother has his own family that i dont belong to

My uncles and aunty have their own family that i dont belong to

My cousins have their own family that i dont belong to

Dont get me wrong, they are all nice people. But to them, I am their close relative. I am not family. They might deny it but the signs are there. Their actions and thoughts are obvious.

What are my supporting incidences that makes me feel this way?

CNY 2025 - None of the Angs side invited me to their CNY reunion. I was adopted by the Lums and the Wongs. It was fun - as a guest. I dont belong. My brother and SIL came back and had reunion with SIL's family, I was invited few hours prior - i guess as an after thought. I declined since i already accepted the Lums and Wong's invitation. After it is over, I realized the Angs had their own mini reunion, they didnt even bothered to invite me. Coz I am a relative. Not a family. I dont have a family

Kaiyeh's new GF - So Belinda and Eunice had a vid call with him and his new gf were there and they met each other. when i ask "Eh how come didnt add me in the call?" coz i treat them as family. not because i am kaypoh. Belinda's nonchalant reply were "This is our family meeting first ma... next time only add u la" I know she dont mean to hurt me. But i was hurt a bit. Yes, I dont belong. I guess i was never belonged to anywhere ever since papa and mummy passed. 

When mom were still alive and bedridden, the Lims will still invite me out for CNY reunion dinner. But immediately after mom died. They cut me off completely. It was as if when mom were alive, they just tolerated me. It is still ok. I was never really close to them anyways. 

Yes, my relatives are super fun. That's it. Just for fun. It is like fair-weathered friends, but they are fair-weathered relatives.

i am really an orphan trying my very best to act like i am not affected, but i am really really sad and lonely

P/S: this post is NOT asking for sympathy or asking ppl to adopt me. I dont want it anyways, coz i will never feel belonged coz it will feel like they are forcing themselves to adopt me out of pity. we can not force ppl to love and accept us.