our ruling government is making this country more and more depressing. they made our country a laughing stock in the world and yet they are so delusional and turn around and accused the world of being the kurang ajar one.

when i open my fb today, i saw people sharing an article by NY Times. Bersih 4 t-shirt is a threat to national security.

Wah..... i didnt know Bersih 4 t-shirts is loaded with C4 or machine guns wor. a threat wor!

*roll eyes*

this coming election, i will still go out and cast my vote. however, i am honestly 100% sure the ruling party will still win. harlow. 1.5m Bangladeshis are coming over wor! Sure can dapat IC to vote geh! 

Few months back, this Bangladeshi came over to our shop to buy an iphone 6s. and he gave us his Malaysian blue IC to register. We were pissed but still have to be professional. So we sold him the phone, took pic of the ic and bitched about it. We know for sure he will come over often to ask us how to use the phone or ask us what is his apple id password. true enough, he comes back every month. bloody stupid asshole. 

i know i should not be so arrogant or mean, but honestly, i feel that stupid people (and there are millions out there) should not buy a smart phone. it will not make them any smarter, ok? dont know how to use and wanna berlagak. then every time come and ask us to teach. if we teach and they learn and understand, never mind. padahal, we teach and teach and teach they will still not understand. their command of our national language is so bad and they got the cheek to hold our IC???

Yea, i really dislike these foreign workers. they come here and work and earn a decent living, i can accept. just take the money and go. but to come here and get citizenship and screw up our country? pls fuck off and go far far away!

********

one more time i hear / read people telling me i am a good daughter i will just fucking slit my wrists and die. 

I really really really really hate to be labelled as a good daughter coz i know very well i am not. and also, i dont like it that they are saying i am a good daughter at the expense of my mom's health.

it is just my fucking duty la! she is my mother! of coz i need to be there for her what. 

i honestly rather be a horrible daughter and have a healthy happy mom than a good daughter to have a bed ridden, depressed mom! i could see that she has given up. and she is so miserable and suffering and i feel damn bloody useless and helpless. 

i am also feeling very guilty

guilty for all the evil thoughts i had of her whenever we had a huge fight last time. guilty for not trying to understand her better. guilty for not having enough patience to listen to her. and guilty for being evil towards her. 

there was once we had a huge fight and as usual, she threatened to kill herself and i got pissed and tired of her threats and instead of backing down, i asked "when?" after i utter the word, i felt so damn fucking guilty. but being the stubborn bitch i am, i didnt back down and refused to apologise. she cried like mad and i just drove off.

a few weeks later, she fell sick.

honestly, the guilt has been eating up inside me. that's why i cannot accept people labelling me as good daughter. i dont fucking deserve this at all. what i am doing for mom now is to atone for all my stupid crazy ungrateful bitchy stuff i did / said to her.

sometimes i felt that i m responsible for mom's sickness. it's like my karma. if i didnt treat mom so bad, i will not be punished to this karma. but i really mm kam buan if this is really the case coz if want to punish, just punish me la. why punish mom??

right before mom went for her 2nd surgery, she was conscious but cannot talk coz she has tubes stuck into her mouth to help her breathe better. both my bro and i were there and we told her that we love her and we even kissed her before she got wheeled into the OT. i could see how happy she was when we told her those. 

why do i wait till this moment to tell her all these? why didnt i "insaf" earlier?