had a looooong talk with one of my karcheng, HeavelyTigerLily (i cannot think of a nick for her!! :P) last nite over relationships. she is actually a second cousin. meaning to say, she is my dad's cousin's daughter :D

anyways, we've gotten pretty close to each other lately all thanks to BBM! :D we bbm each other every night laughing our asses off at both our silly stupid jokes. same same wavelength we have :D

anyway, last nite, i missed him extra much. damn annoying actually. it's like after going around liking many toms dicks and harrys, i ended up missing him like mad last nite. anyways, i updated my status on BBM saying that i m missing someone.

and she bbm-ed me: who? me??? *fluttering eyes*

LOL

and i replied: LOL! perasan much? ;)

and then we started a looooooong chat over relationships. she told me about hers and i told her about him and how i tried my level best to distract myself from liking him and ended up having so many crushes on so many ppl (read my previous few years entries to get the gist ;)) and yet at the end of the day, i still miss him terribly. i am scared actually. i am scared that i will never be able to let go of him and my life will remain as fucked up as now. =.="

digress abit, today is his bday btw :P maybe that's why i m missing him extra much? aih.....

anyways, she is asking me to go USA with her next year to meet up with the rest of the relatives and get them to hook me up with someone there and forget about here. very the sampat and impractical, i think. but then again, why not? i mean i've nothing left to hold me back here anymore. commitment wise la. and it'll be great to meet the rest of the cousins, especially Ben. :D he was a brother figure to me when growing up. I'll forever remember him organising my 16th bday party :D he is the sweetest and nicest and also the grouchiest cousin i've had! :D we've lost contact ever since he went over to USA. and i am not one who bother to keep in contact actually :P so anyways, majority of the Lim clans are there and HeavenlyTigerLily is asking me to go over there, but somehow i m feeling like i will be imposing on them. see how it goes la :D

Btw, as of now, i've not been smoking for the past 180hrs :D

my thoughts are flying everywhere now. suddenly got flashback memories of how Ben, Jo and I got into trouble for sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night to go to the padang down the hill from my house and chatted till wee hours in the morning. when we got home, dad was awake waiting for Jo and I and we got scolding so much until mom called back from Singapore to screamed more at me for being a slut (yea, she is very the dramatic and i think the parents have very active imaginations) and my dad gave me the cold shoulder for few days. which until now i still think it's silly. silly that they dont trust us, silly that they think we will do stupid things (sexual tryst) with another cousin =.=" harlow, we were damn innocent then ok =.=" what did we do that nite? honestly, nothing much! we just talked and talked and talked and talked! and Kluang back then was relatively still quite safe and Jo and I trust Ben so much that we know he will protect us. And we were teenagers then la, so we thought we are the queens and kings of the world and thought that we can handle everything and anything :D anyways, we were forbidden to talk to Ben for the rest of the school holidays =.=" which (bear in mind, we were teenagers then) we felt were totally unfair to us. coz we didnt do anything wrong - in away :P we didnt do what the overactive imaginations of the adults imagined us to do (i think they thought we had orgy or something =.=") . but we were wrong to sneaked out of the house in the middle of the night la. we could have actually chatted at my house's living room since my dad was already asleep and there are no one else at home except for my dad and i :P ya.... drama! :P

there are loads of dramas in my teenage years. mainly coz i was overly rebellious.

anyways...i've lost my trains of thoughts again =.="

tiu........

i miss him....i wish he will have a blessed and great bday today.... i need to let him go. really. *le sigh*