... from being happy and positive.
seriously. it came to a point i felt so forced. but i know i need to be positive.
but today, i've decided to take a break. i feel tired. thank goodness i m not a happy camper today; due to some disturbing dream i have early this morning. it's so damn fucking weird. like rubbing salt to the wound kinda weird. yea, i know i know, you dont like me. no need to bring your gf and rub it in my face kinda weird. that's what i dreamt last nite. the best part of it all was i didnt even realized i like him =.="
anyway, woke up not happy. and got even more annoyed that someone did not reply my sms. so i sent him an sms to sort of telling him off for being rude. what happened? i sent him a message last nite if today's meeting is on or not. but he didnt reply and i dont wanna drive all the way from kota kemuning to mv jamming only to find out he aint meeting me. i mean, it's ok if he wanted to ffk me. but let me know in advance la. not funny to get ffk-ed when i reach there, u know? he finally replied.
came into office feeling really negative coz i foresee the boss' mood will continue to be bad. it has been 3 fucking days already. it seems like his mood will only clear up after he lash out at every single fucking person.
i've got mine just now. i got so angry until i gave up even opening my mouth to defend myself coz whatever he said was purely ridiculous and yet he think he is so right. ok lor. he is the boss ma, so let him talk lor. and the more he said and accused me things, the more i got angry and i ended up having tears running down - which pisses me off even more la. tiu! after his lashing, he asked me what do i have to say for myself. and i just told him there's no point at all to say anything coz he already set his mind to cast me guilty when he opened his mouth and accuses me ridiculous untruthful things. whilst saying all these, i was crying... almost to the extend of bawling coz i really seriously felt damn indignant. and i told him i refused to quarrel with him coz it's like talking to a wall and i also told him dont expect me to stay back in the office anymore since it's not appreciated and i am not even fucking paid to stay back! and then i asked to be excused.
honestly, i really hope i get fired. =.="
and honestly if i have done wrong and kena lashing, i will accept it - which happened a few times before la... but not this. he listen to one side of the story and started to formed stupid and ridiculous conclusion about me and accused me.
who is the one who volunteer to help the fucking finance department to clear up their backlogs and come back even on sundays when the finance head didnt even bother to turn up and assist?
who is the one who stay back almost daily till wee hours in the night to clear all the jobs coz apparently i have been conveniently been 'upgraded' to be his personal assistant in the day time, thus, making me unable to finish my fucking job as stated in the fucking jobscope??
i think i need at least 3 McD's chocotop to cool myself down now!! grrrrrrrr