Thursday, December 17, 2009


... as mentioned yesterday, i had a tender meeting. anyway, this meeting is sort of a Q&A session for all the interested parties who are involved in the tender.

Bosses sent me there coz they are in Japan for their honeymoon. before Bosses left, they kept on harping on me, telling me that they are putting all the hopes on me and all those damn fucking pressurising and stressful words la... making me feel like the whole bloody world depends on me now. then my colleagues heard about it and they pulak keep on telling me that our next year's bonus is all depending on me now... and Adey even say that we next year makan porridge or rice depends on me alre....

see the pressure i was going thru? but the bitch dunno get jealous of what said: aiyah, you should be proud what, bosses give u opportunity, now you are part of the political gang already la! reallly like wtf, right??? who give a flying fuck about climbing in this small company??? so i told her off: you so hard up, u go on my behalf la, i give u the credits. that shut her up. useless bitch.

so i went there early. too early actually. and i realized, fuck! i dont even know how does the person i m suppose to meet look like and i dont even have her phone number! total fail. i know. =.="

anyway, thank god i bumped into another 2 ppl coming for the Q&A and i just followed them la... then they started to go round introducing each other giving each other name cards. i also follow suit la... although i feel damn awkward since i m such a social retard (really one, i seriously dont knw what to do or say and i always ended up embarrassing myself and having ppl staring blatantly at me like i m some kinda freak! serious! not becoz i m perasan! really one!). anyway, the 1st name card i got, a big player in the industry - managing director. then the second, some kinda director. the gist of it is, EVERY single one of the ppl from other company that went there were all big shots. the lowest rank was some Senior Manager. And me? i m just a lowly C/S exec. u should see me man... i felt so small in my big fat body. and to make things worst. the customer started asking us to tell them about our company. and i was given the opportunity to talk 1st. bad mistake. i have no fucking idea what to say and i ended up saying a lot of shit. yea. and everyone looked at me with the expression "where the hell did this freak come from??" and some were smirking at me. so anyway, after that round of humiliation, everyone started to ask questions. and i didnt get to ask any questions coz all the questions that i wanted to ask was already asked. and then suddenly the customer look at me and asked me to ask question. and i stammered and said i have no further questions. and more smirks from them sharks. then they started to ask us our strengths and again, i was 1st to asked. i told them the numbers - thinking that the number sounded ok and logical. then everyone around me started saying numbers that are 20 to 50 times higher than mine. i feel even more small. then the customer said: i am sure you all have read all the documents we have given you all before coming to this session and i m sure you all know how strong of a support we need from you all. so i dont understand why did some of you (looking at me directly) bother to show up knowing very well that you are not strong enough to support us.

this time, the whole room chuckled and i seriously wanted to dig a hole and hide somewhere.

fucking traumatic right?

and i went off feeling like shit coz i felt like i have failed the company. i felt like i have ruined the company's reputation coz i didnt know how to handle those ppl. coz i m a social retard. i was very sure if my bosses are around, they will know how to talk and defend the company.

so anyway, when i go back, i know i was suppose to hit the highway towards klia and i was pretty sure i was at the right direction. i need to head south. then suddenly i saw a signboard that says : Kuala Selangor and i went wtf?? isnt Kuala Selangor north west??? and i panicked. seriously. very. coz 1) i dont have much cash with me to top up petrol & 2) i needed to rush back to office to handle another project that was running yesterday.

so i stopped at the rest stop and wound down the window and asked a passerby:

Me: bang, nak pergi Changi Airport macam mana pergi ah?
Passerby: *blinked eyes*
Me: *blinked eyes*
Passerby: *blinked eyes*
*3 seconds later*
Passerby: terbang la!
Me: *blinked eyes*
Me: *light bulb* *acting like nothing is wrong like that* yala, nak pergi ke KLIA untuk terbang ke Changi Airport ni! macam mana pergi ke KLIA ah?
Passerby: *looking at me like i m from some mental assylum* terus jalan saje!

ya... i was at the right path. and i panicked for nothing. and ya, i damn stupid, i also dunno how come i ask for directions for Changi Airport =.="


oh oh... i forgotten to add.... when i came back to the office, lady boss sms-ed me from the honeymoon asking me how was the meeting and i told her about the big players and that we are not able to support. and here's what she replied me: we expected..but i hope u enjoyed the experience. thks for attending ;) *gasp* i kena played by the bosses!

they expected these to happened. meaning to say they memang know we wont not be able to compete. and they just sent me to that meeting for me to experience and the boss gave me unwanted pressure for sadistic reasons =.="

i have an alcoholic sadistic boss =.="


  1. Practise makes perfect. Dont worry too much about it. I remembered my first experience too. Felt pretty much like you did. Then, the next round, I psych myself up with this.. "every big player have to start from a small player right?".. so, fuck them. Lols....

    As long as u can sell ice to the eskimos, who cares you are big or small... honestly, u never know :)

  2. thanks for the support :D but after that incident, i really really cannot do sales at all la. it's too scary for me.... :D