Revisiting...

.... the past that I tried to block away for years....

Back story, I think it was in my late 20s and early 30s, I have beginning to see how toxic my Primary & Secondary school friends were. Not only the females (since females tend to be bitchy ma) but also the males - the males are the biggest gossips. 

I grew up with the toxic them that i thought being gossipy and teasing people in a playful but mean way is a norm. - Maybe that's why my brother hated me when we were growing up. 

So, over the years, I purposely stop meeting and chatting with these people. The only one that I was in close contact with was MF. Coz MF also purposely stop contacting them. I remember MF and i used to discussed about these bunch of people. Of how gossipy and childish of them that they are so narrow minded that they just like to gossip about other people's business!

One of the most annoying thing that one of them did to MF and I were. Back in the days, I was super infatuated with MF. And if u read back this blog, I talked so much about him. MF know. MF still layan me as a close friend. MF and I still go out and lepak together very often. One of them actually called MF during work to ask if we are together. And that if MF knew I was infatuated with him. MF was pissed. Coz MF was a workaholic and he do not appreciate being disturbed during working hours being asked such none of anyone business stuffs! Coz ya mah, it is between both of us what. why other ppl wanna masuk campur, kan?? I didnt know about the call, I was ambushed a few weeks later when there were a gathering at one of the their houses. I went (dreading) coz they told me MF will be there. I said ok i will go - with the thinking "ok la, at least got one person whom i am really ok with there". I didnt check with MF, coz he busy ma. I remember he were setting up 2 new outlets, so he were super busy. But MF didnt show up for the gathering. Then i got "ambushed". One of them suddenly asked me in front of everyone "What is the story between u and MF?" everyone in the gathering stopped talking and all attention were on me. I felt trapped. So i told the truth "Nothing is going on between us. We are super good friend and I am crushing on him" I remember a few of them smirked and snickered and i felt super embarrassed and self conscious. And then i felt angry. Coz i felt that it was really none of their fucking business. Why wanna be so kaypoh?

After the gathering, I msged MF to let him know what happened. We met up for drinks and he was so angry. And he told me about the call. We both were so pissed coz we both also agree that if there is something developed between us, it is between us what. it is none of other people's business what. what gives them the rights to come kaypoh at us?

Yes, MF and I were super close. We hold hands, we hugs, we kiss. That's it. nothing more than that. 

Anyways, why am i triggered suddenly? Well, we are 50yrs old this year and they decided that it is time for us to do a big reunion. When Wendy asked me yesterday, I was open to it. I thought i have let go (coz i found peace with God ma) and honestly, I forgotten about the mean gossip people mean gossiping. Maybe i was super optimistic that we have all grown up and be matured and wont do such childish thing (like being a mean gossip) anymore. And so, the group chat created. And so the chats started flowing in and the more i read, the more i am disgusted and the more I am asking myself why am I subjecting myself in this ah? 

The primary school name calling started flowing in, the insinuating gossips start flowing in. It is so damn annoying. It is like they all havent grown up at all! The more i read the chat, the more i am so super disgusted with them! 

I wish MF is still around. I will confirm msg him and rant it all out to him!!