Explanation....

ok, i owe u ppl an explaination on the outburst yesterday. but it's kinda long. it involves my ex-bestfriend, Ms Iggy Wiser. We were the best of friends. We shares almost the same wavelenght and she is one of the few people who gets me. But everything has changed since i stopped sharing the same interest as her (think weed and ice and happy5 and all those other drugs). i wanted to live a clean life and not get involved in those scenes anymore. So we drifted apart. she was still my housemate then. our relationship was strained to the point of no return and the funny thing was, our war stemmed from my over dramaticness, i lost all my contacts in my phonebook. meaning to say i lost MF's numbers and yea, so i was crying and all in the room refusing to talk to anyone and she, trying to be a good friend persuaded me to tell her what happened. but i didnt really want to coz i knew perfectly well what she was gonna say and i was not in the mood or right mind to be laughed at (yea, i predicted that instead of understanding what was in my mind, she will just laughed at what a drama queen i was - i know i was drama queening la... but still show some support can or not?) and i told her no, i dont want to tell her coz i know what she is gonna say la... cut the story short, i ended up telling her and she ended up laughing at me in a mean and bitchy way like i am some kinda freak (u know, there is another way of laughing but not hurting other's feelings kinda laugh? welp, she didnt do it that way la... so made me even more crappy). so war erupted - via sms no less. eventho we were both living under the same roof. after that, we stopped being friends, and she was still staying in the same apt as me, eventho i was the chief tenant. then i noticed my money slowly disappearing. no doubt it's her doing la... but i figured, she might really need the money that's why she took it. and it wasnt much anyway, so i let it be. after a few months of us avoiding each other in the apt, we somehow msn-ed each other. and i asked her when is she moving out, but if she is not, it's ok, and then i dont know what happened, she started accusing me of stealing RM1 (yes, 1 fucking ringgit) from her. which actually pisses me off, so at the heat of the moment, i asked her get out as soon as possible. i mean, harlow? my money was stolen, and she says i stole her RM1??? like wtf right?? anyway, that was about 2 years back. and i've cooled down and honestly speaking, before yesterday, i really do still miss her, but not anymore. Not after i found out what she did to me....

the thing about her is, eventho she was a bestfriend, she was a frienemy as well. or rather, she did some really bitchy things to me way way back. 1st incident was, i got to know a guy in irc, i think and we were chatting via msn and on the phone almost daily. and i did the stupidest thing by introducing them together. she knew i have a thing for this fella - meaning to say, i dont mind developing something with him and he vice versa (or at least he claim so la). she started to bad mouth me to him and i didnt know. i was damn puzzled la, how come suddenly he turn cold, like within the span of few hours. after confronting him, and he told me he knew my 'true colors' and that it was Iggy who told him, i confronted her as well and she sheepishly admit, without a single apology. i forgave her eventually, but i dont forget. then fast forward a few years later, i had this huge crush on this other guy. she just broke off with her then bf. and we hung out, and she knew i had this crush on this guy, and yea, she and him became and item. eventho she dont love him at all, or so she told me. it took me sometime to forgive her, but i did. guys are a plenty in this world, but a best friend who gets you and can finish off your sentence is hard to come by. that's why we were still friends. but i became really really protective over the guys that i know. i dont introduce the my guy friends to any of my girlfriends at all. hence, no one, besides my highschool mates have met MF before. and i dont intend to let anyone know him :P

edit: oh. i remember another guy she sort of hijacked from me (way back in my place apt days). as usual, i know this guy who is damn interesting and one fine weekend when i went back to kluang (i didnt tell him i was going back) and he came over looking for me. of coz i wasnt in la, but she was in and the next thing i knew when i came back from kluang, i was informed by him that he dont wanna see me anymore and somehow i dunno why i got a feeling Iggy has something to do with it, so i asked her and yes, she did have a fling with him, apparently she went out with him that weekend. and as usual, she told me it's nothing, she dont have any feelings for him and that the most is just oral sex.

so what did she do to me? welp, the 1st guy, i mentioned above? the one that i got to know via irc and chatted on msn and phone almost daily? welp, yesterday i backside itchy, saw him online and chatted with him. apparently they have always been in contact all these years and apparently they have met up and apparently she is still bad mouthing me. i was rudely told off by him to stay away from him yesterday. and me being me, will not go down without a fight and i finally found out what she told him or what she has been feeding him, she told him i am a psycho, who has been stalking him for the past few months. and apparently i knew where he work and apparently i went to his wedding wearing all black (i didnt even know he got married) and he told me if i harrass him (i lost his number - remember, i lost all the numbers in my phonebook??) anymore, he will report me to the police. wah.... dramatic-nya! the funny thing was, the last i spoken to him was way back in 2001. :D

so yea, i hate her. i dont understand why is she doing all these to me. i really dont. i must admit, i have lots of fantasies about making her life miserable. but i've never succumb to my fantasies. i am either too lazy to do it, or feel that she is just not worth it. but yesterday's incident was just too much la.... i kept asking small cow, why? why did she do that to me? i have not even done anything to her! u know, after we stopped being friends, i stopped being friends with our mutual friends. she can have those friends, i dont want our friends to be caught in between us and honestly speaking, i think she needs them more than me, coz they are all really nice and positive ppl.

conclusion? i m hurt and pissed.

edit: after re-reading this post, i just realized i was pretty stupid to actually trust her with guys eh? 3 fucking times!

oh oh, there was an incident of her bf molested me and guess what? she sided him instead of me when i was the one kena molested.

ok, conclusion: i guess she has never really been friend to be at all eh? *sigh*